Give my compliments to...

"You look pretty today". Said yesterday by a male colleague to a female colleague. Nothing out of the ordinary you say? Said a gazillion times a day all around the world?

Afterwards she told me, that she felt like crap that day. And so she thought this compliment simply was unsincere.

Also we don't value something that we don't have to work for. And she hadn't had to do anything for this "You're pretty"-compliment. For her it wasn't grounded in reality, so to speak.

Achievements by this "compliment": none. Except maybe that she was annoyed and thought he was a liar.

Does this mean she doen't like compliments? Not at all. They just have to be of the right kind.

And what is the right kind of compliment? Well, obviously not a compliment on her looks. Becaus if she doesn't feel pretty at that point, it makes you look unsincere. And if she is pretty she gets those cheaper a dozen.

And what should a compliment be then? Easy. Don't compliment on something she is, but something she does.

If it has to be something visual, compliment how her shoes match her purse. Or notice some small changes like a new haircut or that she has done her hair differently today.

Or if she stays friendly to an annoying person. If she makes a thoughtful remark. If she has a brilliant idea.

Whatever it is, don't give compliments away easily. Make her earn it.