Momentum I.

Wikipedia definition: "The momentum of an object can be conceptually thought of as how difficult it is to stop the object."

Some principals of physics can be applied to psychology as well. This is one of them.

Have you ever thought of doing something, something hard, embarrasing, uncomfortable, whatever and hesitated? Basically something you attached strong negative emotions to?

If you attached bad feelings to it and hesitated to begin with it, i bet you found it increasingly harder to do it as time went by. Like you wanted to tell somebody something but you didn't know if you should. And the longer you waited, the more you thought "It doesn't matter if i tell it" or " He/she surely doesn't want to hear it" or something like that.

As you hesitate, your brain will think of things that might happen, that might go wrong, how you could fail. And the more you wait, the more colourfull it will become. And soon this failure will seem inevitable.

So if you want to do something, do it now. Don't wait. Or you are going to end up fearing it more and more.

Give my compliments to...

"You look pretty today". Said yesterday by a male colleague to a female colleague. Nothing out of the ordinary you say? Said a gazillion times a day all around the world?

Afterwards she told me, that she felt like crap that day. And so she thought this compliment simply was unsincere.

Also we don't value something that we don't have to work for. And she hadn't had to do anything for this "You're pretty"-compliment. For her it wasn't grounded in reality, so to speak.

Achievements by this "compliment": none. Except maybe that she was annoyed and thought he was a liar.

Does this mean she doen't like compliments? Not at all. They just have to be of the right kind.

And what is the right kind of compliment? Well, obviously not a compliment on her looks. Becaus if she doesn't feel pretty at that point, it makes you look unsincere. And if she is pretty she gets those cheaper a dozen.

And what should a compliment be then? Easy. Don't compliment on something she is, but something she does.

If it has to be something visual, compliment how her shoes match her purse. Or notice some small changes like a new haircut or that she has done her hair differently today.

Or if she stays friendly to an annoying person. If she makes a thoughtful remark. If she has a brilliant idea.

Whatever it is, don't give compliments away easily. Make her earn it.

Praise vs. sharing happiness

Have you ever achieved something and told somebody about it? I'm sure you did. What was the reaction?

If it was positive, the other person either praised you or was happy with you. And these are not the same.

Praisal can only happen from a higher position than the one being praised. Being happy with someone is only possible from an equal position.

If you did a good job. Can you imagine you boss being happy with you? Most of the time you'll get the equivalent of a pat on the head. Which basically says "You did good but i'm still above you".

So if one of your friends, a co-worker, a relative achieves something, don't pat him on the shoulder and say "Hey, good job". Instead give him/her a hug and say "Hey, thats great". And then you go party ;)