Beaten ego?

A few minutes ago a came across a coupel of people. They were sitting outside a restaurant and gossiping. When i walked by i heard one of the womensay: "If he starts crying again, i'm gonna hit him". And one of men started to laugh at this remark. I assume they were talking about a child.

I thought that this was plain sad. Laughing when a child gets hit. And I was wondering why somebody would do something like that.

I have only one explanation. In psychology there is something called downward-comparison. This is when somebody compares himself to someone who is worse at something or in a worse position. It is used to push ones self-esteem by seeing that his situation is not so bad. 

But how broken must ones self-esteem be to get a push out of a beaten child. I think this is an indicator to change something in his life. Something that gives his confidence a better boost. 

Feeling bad?

Some days ago i visited a pub with some friends. A girl was chatting with two boys she hadn't meet bevore. They talked about movies and theaters. This is what she studies at the university.

But the two guys always knew it better. They tried to look good by braging with their knowledge.

Since this is what she studies, she has some of her self-esteem attached to it.

The boys tried to show off how much they know. Tried to impress her. But they achieved the exact opposite.

Afterwards she told me she hadn't felt so stupid in her life.

So a little advice to the guys out there: Don't try to impress her. Don't brag with your knowledge. Don't always try to top her story.

Instead try to make her feel good. Make her feel interesting. And re-assure her of herself.

Looking good?

Today I sat at a table at my university. I was alone in this area. A girl sat down on the one right in front of me. She was trying to look busy. The whole time she sat there in an upright manner looking like she studied.

After about fifteen minutes I went away for a short time. I came back after a few seconds because I had forgotten something. She was sitting in her chair looking very relaxed and not interested in her books.

What I learned from this is, that appearances are everything to some people. As long as somebody is watching them, they try to look their best. Or even more. It even doesn't matter if they know the other person or not.

Whats the problem?

Yesterday i realized why it is so hard for men and women to go along. Its an inherent problem caused by how men and women think.

I got a phonecall yesterday from a girlfriend. Though reluctant because i was tired i listend to her problems. I tried to give her some advice. But in the end all she wanted to hear was, that someone was there for her.

When men talk about their problems their goal is to find solutions.

When women talk about their problems their goal is to get reassurance.

If men and women realize that the other one sees things a little bit different maybe we can start to get along.

Let me make you nervous

Today i was working at the museum as a guard. My job is to wander around the rooms and keep an eye on the paintings. Today it was only one room. Some people were sitting comfortably on the couches and i was wondering how i could get them to leave.

It wasn't my intention to kick them out. I wanted to use subtle methods. So direct interaction was more or less out of question.

And then it dawned on me. People usually stay where they feel comfortable. If they don't, they leave. So how could i make them uneasy.

I remembered that living beings usually (unconsiously) pick up the emotions of the individuals around them. So what i did was quickening my pace a lot and looking around like i was searching for or afraid of something. Everything done with a serious facial expression.

A minute later no one was sitting anymore. And some minutes later everyone had left.

I guess this is a remnant of times long ago. It could save your life if you noticed that someone was nervous about a thread and you picked up on it.

So if you want someone to be uneasy be nervous yourself. If you want someone to calm down, try to be clam yourself.

Afraid of fear?

For a few years i have been thinking of doing something challenging. I have done it before, but sometime i stoped. A little later i wasn't sure if i could do it anymore. And i was afraid i would fail. I was afraid of not being good enough.

In my head i was considering it again and again. And the more often i did that the more certain i was i would fail. And i started training. But i didn't take the challenge.

And then one day i just decided to do it. I thought if i don't do it now, i will never do it. And i did it. It was a challenge but i never thought of quitting it while i did it. And in the end i was wondering what i was so afraid of.

Did you ever wanted to do something and you weren't sure if you would succeed? And when you finally got it done you were suprised how easy it was? And why you didn't start it sooner?

Often we think about a challenge and it's risks. And the more we think the more reasons for failure come to our mind. And the more certain we get of this failure. Because it has happened before. In our brain. And our brain has troubles keeping imagination and reality apart, especially when it comes to problems.

And then our mind starts making up excuses for not taking the challenge. You know them all: "Bad weather", "too tired", "not prepared enough", "waiting for a better opportunity" and so on.

But once you did it you wonder what you were so afraid of. And in the end it comes down to a little fear begets more fear begets more fear...

This is how your brain wants to prevent you from doing something stupid. But nowadays most decisions are not about life and death but far more simple. But our brain doesn't know that. And it applies the tools it always uses: Fear, more fear, still more fear, paralysation.

But just knowing about this can help you make a decision. Knowing that you are mostly afraid of your own fear. And if you need help starting it, just take your fear by suprise. Don't think about it, just start it.

Buy memories

I heard a radio program yesterday. I don't remember what the topic was. But they said something very true.

"Try to spend you money for activieties and not for products. Because products will get boring and eventually become broken. But memories will gain over time."

I think everyone knows this. You buy something and your happy about it. But over time you will get used to it. And it's not special anymore. And then you need a bigger fix. And it starts all over again.

But memories about something you have done will last. And the longer ago it is, the more precious it will become. And you will like to think back how wonderfull it was.

You will impress noone with your ten year old car. But saying that you've been at this cult gig or this that wonderful place ten years ago is something you can be proud of.